"Sometimes I wish I was normal."

Robert King

It was the loss of space that mattered most. The crowding in of this and that- little things that once didn't matter but now did. Everything, especially those long ago forsaken moments, mattered. Somehow it seemed fitting but yet unfit that there should be less space in the closet inside his head- the closet that was never full. The hungry stomach sudden fullness like after a meal made every movement hurt hadn't yet- hadn't come to that but might- even the forgetting might- the little things first, the shadows forming along the edges like paper darkened and brittle by time. Dust tracks and darkness.

When he woke up it was 2 am. Soon he wouldn't sleep at all or if he did his dreams and consciousness would seem exactly alike.Wheels within wheels.

"It isn't fair." He muttered after staring at on-line galleries on the monitor until he felt like his vision was dead.

"Once, being an artist was simple. The older you got the more respected you were. They're all so young."

In the bathroom he stared at his face and remembered being 21 and taking acid for the first time, and staring into a mirror just like this one, at a face that looked just like this one.

Now time was the futile inevitability of body transplants or the eternity pill. One day it would happen. One of those 19 year old genius' with full body tats and multiple piercings who beat the computer games all to Hell at the mall would bridge the gap but it would be too late.

Eternity was the face in the mirror.

"Too late to be great." He said to his wrinkles and his bald head and the spare tire that jiggled when he walked.

His thoughts felt like a hand that rested heavy on his head.

Some people would call it the hand of God.

He didn't like to think that God was heavy handed. For him, God was birds and bright leaves falling on the breeze. God was inspiration not perspiration. Perspiration was the devils work. The plodding jerk that thought life was a train and he just happened to occupy a seat was not him.

He was the one that fell through the cracks. The one that got away.